What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
