he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
