That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want to make out with him forever
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
