3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
