hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
