I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
