remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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