i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
