I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
