Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
