Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
