Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
