I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
