The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
