Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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