Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
