So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
