were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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