I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
