Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
