Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
