Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The beer is more important than you right now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
