i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
