i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
