there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
