honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
