she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
