fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
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