I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
