he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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