when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
