The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
