The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
