If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
