These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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