I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
