I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
