I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My penis needs a shock collar
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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