singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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