my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
