and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
