I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
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Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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