69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
