he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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