why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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