Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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