Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
