I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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