i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
