he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
