sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
