dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
