She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
