dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
