No stitches, just platelets and will power
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
