I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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