Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
