I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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