why didn't you poke me back
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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