If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
