just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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