p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
