He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
