sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I got chris browned last night
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
