Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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