I want to make a zoo with you.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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