i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
