Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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