we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize