haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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