So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
