morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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