So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
