he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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