Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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