She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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