im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
